Not Another Top (X) List: The Nine Worst Episodes of The Simpsons Season 9

(Author's note: Meant to post this for a long time. Was too lazy to include the pictures until now.)

Well, after an update schedule that makes that of The Venture Brothers look stable in comparison, I have finally completed season 9 of The Simpsons- the first in a four-part series looking at the Mike Scully Era.

Truth be told, it was sorta what I expected. Character was indeed a bit haphazard, but that was mainly limited to Homer. Amazingly, this wasn't too zany a season- there were a few wacky moments, but nothing too extreme.

On one hand, I did expect the show to still be relatively decent, even in it's weaker episodes. That proved true- the show was still largely funny, still seemed like it had something to say, etc. On the other hand, I expected a few duds.

Indeed, there were quite a few duds- no major trainwrecks, but more than a few mediocre episodes. That's what we're covering here.

Unlike other lists of this nature, for the most part, these will be listed in order of airdate. The exception is the standout bad episode of the season- it goes at the end.

Oh, and please don't refer to my reviews posted before February 2014. They're boring and relatively poorly-written.

Here we are...

The Principal and the Pauper

Even without Mike Scully touching it, this was not the best sign for the season to come. It permanently altered the backstory of one of the characters in such a dramatic fashion. As well as the plot was handled, the plot itself was bad from the word go. I give it credit, though- it was pretty funny when the initial shock of "Armin Tamzarian" wore off. "Keep looking shocked, and move slowly towards the cake."

The Two Mrs. Nahassapettapetalons

One of many episodes this season that wasn't memorable. As interesting as the plot could've been, it was a relatively boring episode in terms of execution. Having Apu married off seemed like a big change, yet I doubt it had a long-term impact on character development. I'd certainly watch this again, though- Andrea Martin and the late Jan Hooks did put on good performances.

Realty Bites

As funny as Phil Hartman is, something about Homer getting in a car chase with Snake bugged me a bit too much. I give it credit for it's snarky take on the realty industry, but I remember comparatively little from this episode.

Miracle on Evergreen Terrace

There was nothing horrendously bad in this episode- some Jerkass Homer and some schlockness, but nothing wretched. Except for the humor - with the exception of the ending, it is a dull, color by numbers episode. "Liar Revealed", other characters out of character for the sake of a cliche plot, and a dearth of humor all hurt this episode. The second of three episodes I would likely skip in a marathon.

Bart Carny

Basically, the episode can be summed up as "Carnies are jerks". No substance. Oh, and Homer gets a job for a few minutes because. Boy, that's a good sign. One of three episodes which, during a marathon, I would likely skip. What a waste of Jim Varney.

The Trouble with Trillions

What could've been a funny satire on bureaucracy in the government (especially the IRS) instead turned into a "Captain Wacky goes on a zany adventure" plot- one that also feebelized Burns into a complete idiot. Oh, and to quote Mike Nelson: "Did they even need to go to Cuba?"

Trash of the Titans

As funny as the satire of extreme populism is, this is the quintessential Jerkass Homer episode- one where he gets a job and goes bonkers. Oh, and acts vindictive and whiny throughout. Thank you, Steve Martin, for making this more watchable.

Lost Our Lisa

Homer survives horrendous drawbridge injuries, and makes a speech that seems to cement him as Mike Scully's own Mary Sue- an invincible mouthpiece for the writers and their fantasies. It came at the expense of a plot with a lot of potential.

Now, these were all pretty subpar. But, what was the most subpar? To clarify- what is the episode I am least likely to rewatch?

All Singing, All Dancing

Wow, was this pretty weak. The singing made little sense (or at least wasn't funny), the clips reminded me of better episodes, there was virtually no comedy, very little character development... it was not memorable. Definitely one of the three episodes I wouldn't rewatch- at least "Trillions" had some funny lines.

Oh, and for clarification purposes, my three favorites (read, the ones I would be most likely to watch again) are, in order, Lisa's Sax, Girly Edition, and The Joy of Sect.

So, that wasn't too bad. Not too good, but eh- you could chalk it up to first-season jitters... something which prior showrunners didn't have, however.

Here we are - Season 10. Starting whenever.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 25: "Natural Born Kissers"

Nothing like your 11th anniversary to realize you have old cake in the fridge.

Airdate: May 17, 1998

Synopsis: It's Marge and Homer's 11th anniversary. However, recent events (such as having their anniversary dinner at a family restaurant) have them fear that the zest in their marriage has run out. While trying to get a motor for their freezer, the two get stuck in a muddy driveway in the middle of farm country. Hiding out in a farmhouse, the risk of the farmer catching them inside reignites the fire in their relationship, and the two realize that their relationship reignites when the risk of being caught in compromising situations increases.

Meanwhile, Bart and Lisa find Abe's old metal detector. After finding tons of junk, the two eventually locate a copy of an alternate ending to Casablanca. Let's just say, the ending isn't what one would consider a classic.

Review: Shorter review than normal here, because there isn't too much to dissect. Earlier episodes did the "zest in love life" plot better, added more pathos, more character development, and were funnier. It seems like this episode was just done to appeal to fanservice, as well as see how far the writers could "push the envelope", and didn't really bother to make that many other benchmarks in terms of quality.

It's amazing that, by the standards of the show, this was one considered one of the more "risqué" episodes. Remember- around this time, "South Park" was stretching the boundaries of what a cartoon could show. It seems like this episode was constructed as a response- a more risqué, envelope pushing episode. Nowadays, it's a relatively tame episode. Strip away the more "edgy" content, and what you have is a rather pedestrian episode- Marge and Homer have a marriage crisis, a plot point which would be a cliche of the Al Jean years. If you want to be "edgy", at least have substance.

I don't know- maybe 12-year-old me might have liked it because it was "edgy", but with years gone by, I just feel like it's a typical Scully-era episode- decent situation, zany buildup, zany ending. It's far from the worst offender- it's still a bit funny, and characterization was pretty decent, if milquetoast - but it's not the most outstanding thing I've seen this show do.

The message of the A-plot? Don't break the law. It's too much trouble for everybody involved.

Strangely enough, I found the B-plot a bit more interesting than the A-plot. Bart and Lisa finding an old movie actually could've made for a decent A-plot in and of itself- sort of a remake of "Three Men and a Comic Book" meets "Lisa on Ice" meets "Day the Violence Died". We could've seen some great character interaction between the two- something we really haven't seen all season. Here, finding an alternate ending to Casablanca only allows for enough material for a B-plot, and with what little time it's given, it's executed very well.

In fact, that plot showcases the satire aspect of The Simpsons more than the original. In trying to find treasure, Bart and Lisa come across an ending to Casablanca that is far, far happier than the one in the movie. It's pretty clear that the ending is a spoof on the strict standards set for movies well into the 70s- movies like All that Heaven Allows, for example, had to slip their depressing messages under a thin cover of "happiness". Casablanca is well remembered because it's ending wasn't happy, and it's characters didn't just stick themselves within archetypes, and the movie was more than just a simple romantic drama.

This episode also reveals, rather ironically, that a bad ending can erase a lot of goodwill that a piece of media built up prior to the climax. If there actually was an ending like that, and it got slipped in, I doubt Casablanca would be as popular as it is now. Hear me, Simpsons writers? Finish strong- otherwise, you will encounter the wrath of geeks! (Ah, who am I kidding- they stopped caring years ago.)

The moral of that story? Metal detectors are time sinks, and cliches are awful. (Al Jean musn't have paid too much attention to that last point.)

Game, set, match for season 9. Next up for our trashing? Season 10.

Tidbits:

• I'll admit right now- the setup to the A-plot is pretty funny. Marriage in a rut, plus old cake, plus forgetting to close the freezer? Brilliant. (Just wondering- why was the fridge also open? Ah, never mind.)
• Gil's back! Remember- he used to sell shoes? Now he sells cars... and can't do that well at all. Methinks that's going to be Gil's character- an utter failure at everything he does. He probably wouldn't have been used as much in later seasons if Phil Hartman hadn't been shot. What a shame.
• I just love the look on Maude's face when she notes Ned's obvious golf advice. It's the face that shows, as happy as their marriage is, there's still some small differences between the two of them, rather than Maude just being a female Ned. I love those subtle moments of character... when I catch them.

Zaniness Factor: 1.5- even with the ending, the episode is still relatively grounded.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 1. In fact, I think Homer is a bit milquetoast here. Calm before the storm? I hope not. (Hint: it probably is.)

Favorite Scene: Nothing too outstanding in this episode, but I found the "Casablanca Alternate Ending" brilliant enough to get this award.

Least Favorite Scene: Let's face it- the second half of the A-plot was just an excuse to push the envelope. Oh, and Homer gets hurt a lot during that.

Score: 7. Barely. 

Now, to end the season (and other seasons of Scully's era of The Simpsons), I'm not going to do a traditional "wrap-up". Rather, I'm going to include that in a "Not Another Top (X) List" post. That post? The 9 worst episodes from Season 9.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 24: "Lost Our Lisa"

Worst. Bus ride. Ever.

Airdate: May 10th, 1998

Synopsis: Lisa's attempts to go to a museum exhibit crash when Bart does something stupid with props and glue. (Surprise, surprise.) Marge is not a fan of Lisa's proposal to take the bus... so she gets approval from Homer. However, Lisa didn't look at the bus schedule, and winds up in the middle of nowhere. It's up to Captain Wacky to rescue her!

Review: This episode, in my opinion, is just a weaker version of "My Sister, My Sitter"- Lisa tries to get out of potential trouble with her parents. However, whereas that episode had damn good pacing, a great setup, and believable characterization... this episode has Homer hijack the plot so that a drawbridge can close on his head.

Elaboration? Fine.

Yes, the first part of this episode is Lisa... TAKING THE PUBLIC BUS! THE HORROR!! THE HORROR!!!

Actually, the bus system in the United States is actually a tad bit more confusing if you're not inside a major city. I mean, have you seen the Suffolk County Transit bus system out here on Long Island? Not exactly straightforward... nor is it as point-by-point as it is in New York City. Marge's concern is pretty damn realistic... and guess what, she was right!

Lisa winds up in the middle of freaking nowhere!

Actually, this is somewhat believable characterization for Lisa. Sure, she's a brilliant intellectual who might be the sanest in the family. However, when you think about it, she makes decisions that can be utterly brash and insane. There was no need for her to look at a bus schedule, and it came back to bite her.

I actually felt like this episode could've been a decent, if well-tredged through, character analysis for Lisa. Is she really as mature as she appears to be? We've seen her go to cruel lengths in "Girly Edition", and here, she seems hell-bent on going to the museum, no planning, no consideration of the consequences.

Still, it's a Scully-era episode. This, of course, means that they have to stuff Captain Wacky into the plot somewhere.

That's the problem that seems to dominate the second half of the second act, as well as the first half of the third. Homer leaves work, tries to find Lisa, and proceeds to suffer only minor injuries from otherwise mortal wounds. He drives through a bunch of planks. A drawbridge crashes on his head. Cars run over his skull.

On one hand, he appears to suffer no damage, barring some tire tracks on the top of his head.

On the other hand, this leads into a part of the episode that is often criticized by Simpsons analytics. For example, Simpsons fan Mike Amato, in his "watch them all" blog "Me Blog Write Good", dissected Homer's speech at the end of the episode- one where he encourages Lisa to take risks. Here's his interpretation:

When Lisa vows she’ll never take a stupid risk ever again, Homer slams the brakes and informs her otherwise, claiming that stupid risks make life worth living, and that’s why he has so many crazy adventures. So yeah, instead of being an average American man who has dramatic and absurd scenarios befall him (which is part of the reason why they’re funny), now he’s Captain Wacky, actively doing stupid things on impulse. It’s astounding how jarring this scene is; even Lisa in-universe seems kind of perturbed by her father’s statements. Homer loves the thrill of adventure? [...] His whole diatribe is almost like his new mission statement, as from this point on he’s pretty much always up to some wacky hijinks, a fractured caricature of his former self.

Mike Amato is pretty spot-on with his assessment, so I'll just build on it a tad bit.

Now, in the writers' defense, Homer has a point. Sometimes, you do have to take certain risks- you shouldn't be milquetoast. I also think he might have been coming off the "rush" he got from almost dying- thus, having a slightly different outlook on life.

The problem here is that, besides coming at a time when the character was "evolving", we have to remember that this speech was given by Homer. There was no reason for it other than the writers found that Homer was available. To me, this is the moment when Homer began charging full-steam to Mary Sueville - one where he did whatever impulses or fantasies the writers had because they're awesome.

Now that I'm done railing against that, I must admit that Homer is actually relatively sweet here. He goes to rescue Lisa, and despite almost dying, he and Lisa get to spend some quality father-daughter time together. It's actually a pretty sweet ending.

It's a cute episode, indeed, but one with a flaw that just seems too much like a bad omen of Sueness and Zaniness.

Tidbits:

• Uh... Lisa wants to go see the a bunch of artifacts from Egypt. The title of the program? "Treasures of Isis." Yeah... no comment.
• Personal note: I never encountered a "split weekday schedule" bus- Suffolk Transit only does Weekdays and Weekends.
• One more note: the "Not What He Seems" review won't be up until probably the end of the weekend. 

Favorite Scene: There's something particularly heartwarming about Lisa and Homer at the end of the episode. This show still has a bit of heart left.

Least Favorite Scene: Homer getting a drawbridge closed on his head... not so much.

Zaniness Factor: 3. Homer getting all those injuries and surviving? This is a cartoon now.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 2.5, only and only for his "risk" rant. It isn't so much "callous" as it is "mary sue-ish and out of character".

Score: 6.5.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 23: "King of the Hill"

Airdate: May 3rd, 1998

Synopsis: After a disastrous outing to a church picnic, Bart realizes that Homer is pathetically out of shape. Homer, disappointed in himself for failing his son, decides to take up an exercise regiment, complete with trips to the "gyme" and eating Powersauce bars. Impressively, with the help of Rainier Wolfcastle, he manages to build up sizable muscles within two months, albeit developing a bit of ego along the way. One particular trip to the "gyme" has Homer and Bart meet up with representatives from Powersauce, and Bart convinces Homer to take up on an offer to climb the super-tall Murderhorn. The executives sponsor the trip along the way, turning it into an ad campaign... even having sherpas help Homer.

Review (SPOILERS): Watching these past few episodes has been like a pendulum. We had "Trillions" show the assassination of satire, "Girly Edition" show the brilliant satire formed over the previous eight seasons, "Trash of the Titans" show Homer get a job and act like an asshat all the way, and this episode, actually extending pathos to Homer. Is this the last we'll see of a sympathetic Homer? Who knows? (Hint: probably.)

This episode chooses to look at one of Homer's defining physical features- his rotundness, and how it contrasts to society's expectations of machismo. It's a bit strange that, given the relative zaniness of these past few episodes (Cuba? Really?), this episode actually has a somewhat realistic portrayal of Homer's health and what happens when he exercises- even though he gets muscles in two months, he's still not presented as fit. The way this episode portrays his strives to get healthier actually makes you feel for Homer through the entire episode.

Unlike future episodes, which will show Homer become macho thanks to the power of a dietician, this episode shows the fraudulence of certain "schemes" to healthy living- that is, food in "health bar" form. This actually shows a realistic viewpoint of that scheme- eating the bars seems to motivate Homer. When the rug is pulled out from under Homer (mmm... Chinese newspapers), he rejects the Powersauce Executives fears that he won't make it to the summit... only to embrace it after almost dying.

He only truly abandons his quest after he learns something about his father. Why? Eh, it's a plot arc introduced in the third act. I would've placed something a bit earlier, but it fit with the pacing of the episode. Still, he realizes that there can be no greater shame than what his father did, and that whatever he does is still more dignified. I won't spoil it, but it is a pretty dark moment.

While Homer does dip in a little bit of "Jerkass" territory here, it's relatively minor and somewhat excusable- with the pathos built up, it's understandable why his ego inflated a bit after gaining some muscle. Likewise, the resolution of the plot is a bit... strange. Still, somewhat alleviated by Homer's pathos.

Getting back to the macho part, this episode does take some shots at society's expectations of macho-ness via Wolfcastle. The muscles. the feats of strength. Yet, he won't do the impossible in real life- climb the Murderhorn. Granted, his reasoning is justified, but still. The Gravity Falls episode "Dipper Vs. Manliness" did a similar episode 15 years later- one that criticized masculine stereotypes. Being that "Manliness" happens to be one of my least favorite Gravity Falls episodes, I find it strange how an episode from the waning years of The Simpsons can best a similar episode of a show which might be my all-time favorite.

Not much to say here, really. A good episode, albeit relatively unmemorable (except for "gyme"), probably the last before Scully's brand of Simpsons fully takes over.

Tidbits

• The mockery of advertising is brilliant. The Powersauce executives are annoyingly hysterical- they're more callous about death and danger than Mr. and Mrs. Valentino! 
• This just in: Powersauce is amazing!
• Note to self: always use "gyme".
• Apologies for being out these past couple of weeks. Writers block, plus new blog, plus a new semester, does not motivation make.
• One last note: this will likely be the last blog post under the current URL. At the latest, as of the posting of my review of the next Gravity Falls episode, "Northwest Mansion Noir", the URL will change to starbug1729.blogspot.com. I would preemptively bookmark it, if I were you.

Favorite Scene: Every scene with Abe and McAllester is brilliantly done. Nothing says character development like those scenes.

Least Favorite Scene: Eh... can't name a scene that stood out for it's weaknesses. All of them were necessary to the plot.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 1.5. Homer gets a bit more aloof and callous when he gets fit, but it's immediately balanced out by the pathos in the episode.

Zaniness Factor: 2... mainly for the last three minutes.

Score: 7.

Update- 2/2/15: Not related to The Simpsons, but I've just learned/realized that Geraldine McEwan, who played Cassandra in Red Dwarf, died recently. In tribute of her, I post this quote from "Cassandra":

Cassandra: All of the Canaries will be dead within 1 hour, except for Rimmer...

Rimmer: YES!

Cassandra: ...who will be dead in 20 minutes.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 22: "Trash of the Titans"

CURSE YOU, RECYCLING CALENDAR!

Airdate: April 26, 1998

Synopsis: After OFF celebrates "Love Day" (a second Valentine's Day meant to make more money for big business), there is a heap of trash. Failing to get the trash out in time, Homer insults the garbage men, causing service to be cut off. Weeks and piles of trash later, Marge finally writes an apology letter. Rejecting this claim, Homer goes straight to the top - Sanitation Commissioner Ray Patterson (Steve Martin), and after getting thrown out, decides to run for Sanitation Commissioner himself. Running on a populist platform of "can't somebody else do it", he wins in a landslide... and his policies threaten to bring down the town.

*WARNING: SPOILERS IN REVIEW" Review: Great. Right out of one of the better episodes of the season, we get an episode that showcases probably the most blasted aspect of Scully's era- mischaracterization of Homer Jay Simpson. And this is the two hundredth episode. That's a good sign, eh?

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 21: "Girly Edition"

"K-I-D-Z. Z for Zap! It's a programme for ALL KIDS, made by ALL KIDS, and concentratin' on all the subjects that ALL KIDS are into today!" (Damn you, Ben Elton.)

Airdate: April 19th, 1998

Synopsis: With the FCC cracking down on educational TV, executives convince Krusty the Clown to add a ten minute news program hosted by kids to the end of his shows. Lisa and Bart are appointed as anchor and sports anchor, respectively. Bart's goofy delivery impresses the executives more than Lisa's straightforward delivery, and he is promoted to co-anchor. After hearing Lisa's complaints about him, and after a brief consultation with Kent Brockman, Bart decides to go into more of a "sentimental" route, much to the chagrin of Lisa.

Meanwhile, Homer adopts a helper monkey, Mojo, to help him with his busy life- that is to say, getting food and sleeping. Marge is not amused.

Review: Now THIS is what "Trouble with Trillions" could've been: a satirical look at a particular organization or institution. In this case, the writers decide to take a huge bite out of the modern news media and traditional media in general, and it's brutal enough to obscure any flaws that this episode has.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 20: "The Trouble With Trillions"

Bloggers note: FX Now showing every episode of The Simpsons isn't too bad. The crop job, on the other hand...

Airdate: April 5th, 1998

Synopsis: The IRS notes some minor discrepancies in Homer's taxes. (Read: Homer waited until the last possible second, made egregious claims, stuffed them into a manilla folder, and tried to sweeten the deal with mint candies.) Threatened with five years jail, Homer instead accepts a plea- work for the IRS to capture tax cheats. One such tax cheat is Mr Burns, who the IRS alleges took a trillion-dollar bill meant for European reconstruction post WWII. However, Burns's critique of the government resonates with Homer, and the two (plus Smithers) flee. Forced to escape the country, they decide to hang out on an island... one called Cuba.

Review (SPOILERS): The IRS here in the States is a government entity that is ripe for comedy. Americans have always had a skepticism of taxes, and that lends credence to the IRS being the least-liked bureaucracy of the US government. Mocking them by being a bunch of crooked spies who manipulate the system for their own gain would've made for an awesome episode.

Unfortunately, this episode let's that potential go to waste.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 19: "Simpson Tide"

Airdate: 29 March, 1998.

Synopsis: Fired by the Nuclear ("nuc-u-lar") Power Plant again, Homer sees an ad for the US Navy reserve, and promptly signs up. His friends are convinced enough to sign up, as well. During the "war games" scenario, he is placed on a Nuclear ("nuc-u-lar") sub. This can only end well... by which, I mean can only end in a Cold War revival, complete with the Soviet Union.

"We thought you broke up!"

"That's what we wanted you to think!" 

Cue the Berlin Wall and the threat of nuclear ("nuc-u-lar") disaster!

Oh, and Bart gets an earring to try and be cool. Apparently, The Bartman is "so 1991". Homer is not pleased.

Review: This episode is an unusual one, indeed. It's one of those episodes that I should loathe, but can't bring myself to hate.

Let's face it: it has several traits that would become cliches of the Mike Scully era of The Simpsons. Homer gets a new job, becomes supremely respected by his boss (more than he should), has to take charge because his boss is an idiot, his friends join into his "scheme of the week" for no reason, the plot goes from "relatively grounded" to "street-rat crazy" at the flick of a switch, the progression barely makes any sense, and Homer gets off with a slap on the wrist for almost plunging the world into chaos. Oh, and the show dabbles in meta humour.

Sounds like a trainwreck, eh?

Actually, it's pretty entertaining- one of my favourites from this (so far) otherwise mediocre season. As I implied in my "Principal and the Pauper" review, I am willing to reduce the weight of an episode's flaws in my views if the episode is hilarious enough. Now, there are exceptions, but this episode is not one of them.

I think that most of the reasoning behind this episode's "funniness" would have to be rooted in the showrunners for this episode- Al Jean and Mike Reiss. While their era was not as zany as, say, the David Mirkin Era, they did distance the show somewhat from it's domestic origins, allowing for wider swaths of characters to engage in a plot, as well as characters engaging in less "home-based"/more community-based plots. This episode just happens to take it to the extreme end of the spectrum, dwarfing Mirkin's era in terms of zaniness.

If anything, I'm a bit disappointed that this episode didn't try harder with the jokes about the USSR- a sign of things to come. They could've made jokes about the fall of the union, the failures of central planning, etc. Instead, they chose to colour by numbers- the Berlin Wall, Lenin, the tanks in Moscow, etc. Still funny, but a bit of a low-ball.

Also, while Homer does progress quite far up the command for an "average joe", this episode doesn't exactly use him as a "pain magnet"- a trend in Modern Simpsons episode where Homer would suffer injuries, and walk away unscathed, going on to act like a Macho Sue idiot all the way. Plus, he does give up some of his hubrus- he realises that Bart getting the earring may have saved him in the long run.

That, and it does make note of the influence of the media on modern conflict, what with the Channel 6 News Report pretty much calling Homer a traitor and a communist, followed by the USSR coming back. Or maybe it was just coincidence. Eh, still interesting.

Oh, and character? A little bit mixed. I mentioned Homer and his dubious promotion to captain already. Captain Tenille? Funny, and pretty well developed, what with the relatively small amount of time given to the character. Bart? His rebellion by getting an ear piercing seems to harken back to his rebellious character, yet here, he seems desperate to "follow the leader" of Milhouse... yet failing epically. Maybe it's a sign that his "rebel" character would be phased out in favour of a more "desperate" character. Sad. Still, the other characters did seem to be more than pawns in the adventures of "Captain Wacky", as some have called post-classic Homer.

Let's see- if there were a few changes to the plot, if maybe some of Homer's "progression up the ziggurat" was toned down, if maybe the flow was a bit better, if maybe characters didn't materialise out of thin air (Smithers, anybody), this episode would fit pretty damn well in the Mirkin Era. Instead, I have to take it for what it is- a Scully-era episode (not a Scully episode) that worked pretty damn well, given that I laughed through it. A rare breed, indeed.

Tidbits:

• OK, there was one clever reference to the USSR. When talking about his experience in the Navy, Abe references JFK, and a comment that made his sailors think that he was disloyal to the Allied Forces. Who else was president when tensions between the USSR and the US reached a fever pitch?
• "I'd like to get my ear pierced?" "Well, better make it quick, kiddo. In five minutes, this place is becoming a Starbucks!" That is all.
• Admittedly, I can excuse some of Homer's promotion by a line that indicates that Captain Tenille has some Navy-related trauma.
• One last note: due to personal matters, the review for "Blendin's Game" might not go out until next weekend. I apologise in advance for the long delay.

Favourite Scene: OK, I'll bite: the scene with Tenille getting shot out of the torpedo tubes was a brilliant piece of dark comedy.

Least Favourite Scene: I still can't buy the Village People actually singing "In The Navy" while on a submarine, plus Smithers, plus the sub going underwater while they're all still outside. That was too dark for me.

Score: 7. Again, given mainly for the comedy.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 18: "This Little Wiggy"

Airdate: March 22nd, 1998

Synopsis: After noticing that Ralph is constantly bulled due to his "off" character, Marge arranges a meetup between Ralph and Bart, much to the latter's chagrin. As Bart realises the power his father lords as the chief of police, such as having the master key, Bart begins to use Ralph to break into various places, like a toy store, a bakery, and a local jail.

Review: If ever I were to pick the best "valentines day" episode of any show ever, it would probably have to be "I Love Lisa". Not only does it have a simple yet compelling story between the ditzy yet soft-hearted Ralph and the intellectual yet occasionally aloof Lisa, but it also showcased that Ralph was more than just a prop character, a "kid in the back". He was a loner, ostracised because of his ditzy behaviour, yet was an utter savant when it came to the stage. It's probably my favourite "holiday" episode of The Simpsons by quite a margin. If ever you need proof that the classic seasons of The Simpsons were able to craft some of the most fantastic characters in TV history, watch that episode.

I bring that epsiode up because, again, Ralph is the centre of an episode revolved around him. You can feel the difference in the two episodes. One gives him natural character development that pulls at almost every emotion imaginable, whilst not being overtly sappy. The other tries too hard to be funny, and as a result, seems to reserve it's characters to joke fodder.

The Scully Era was infamous for taking certain traits that the characters had, exaggerating them, and making it the centre of their characters, if not their only discernible trait. As I mentioned before, Homer's moments of selfishness and his occasional lapse in judgement were transformed into a impulsive sociopath at the centre of the universe. However, he was merely the most infamous example: pretty much every character was either mishandled or exaggerated, and Ralph got it almost as bad as Homer. From a somewhat ditzy, slow on the uptake kid, Ralph is rapidly degenerated to outright insane levels of ditzy-ness.

Now, cartoonish exaggeration of traits can be a good thing... but they have to be done well. Take, for example, Rimmer from Red Dwarf. Series 1 and 2 just showed him as a neat freak jerkass who never seemed to have moments of happiness. When Rimmer acted like a jackass from Series 3 on, he was portrayed as a madman who made you wonder why Holly never turned him off. However, that was balanced by insights into his life, which showed a childhood that was miserable in every regard. Thus, while the character was still funny, he was also very much a relatable character.

Ralph does get a little bit of development- walking into a haunted penitentiary to get the master key, and chasing after a rat do suggest a braver Ralph- yet it's but brief, and only used to lead to the stupidest episode conclusion thus far.

Every single manoeuvre, every single line... it's all coincidence after coincidence. Poor attempts at red herrings abound, and the end result is a mess. Lampshading it, at least in this instance, does not help matters. I'll give the writers that the town is stupid, but the dearth of comedy? Come on.

It's really just an episode that's not really memorable for the humour as much as it is for the potential character development it squandered. If anything, this episode is a sign- character development and comedy were slowly being replaced by zany plots, insert character here.

Tidbits:

• I've got nothing. This epsiode was really a dead-zone for comedy.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 1. There was nothing really irritating about Homer here.

Zaniness Factor: 1.5. Most of the silly stuff is done based on coincidence. 

Favourite Scene: OK, I'll give the scene at the Knowledgeum credit. That was pretty damn funny.

Least Favourite Scene: It's a tie between the first half of the second act, and the last four minutes. Can't choose what irritated me more: the dryness or the stupidity.

Score: 5.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 17: "Lisa the Simpson"

Airdate: March 8th, 1998

Synopsis: After Lisa fails to solve a brain teaser that the other students got instantly, a series of unfortunate events (such as a diorama) begin scaring Lisa about the quality of her intellect. Grandpa eventually tells her of a trend that various Simpsons have, where their intellect declines over the years, calling it a "Simpson Gene". A frightened Lisa tries to fight back against the suspected decline, only to fear that she's becoming lowbrow and low class.

Review *SPOILERS*: Is it possible for one scene to make an entire episode just seem mean spirited? It's a pretty damn hard feat, but "Lisa the Simpson", which seems almost perfect, just contains one little scene that drives me spare.

Yes, it's a Lisa-centred episode. Some of the best Lisa-centred episodes focus on her relationship within the clan of The Simpsons: she's probably the most down-to-earth of the group (Homer and Bart are Homer and Bart, and Marge is occasionally spacey). Even so, she's portrayed as a bit aloof, reserved with her intellect in the dumb town of Springfield. So, an episode that seems to take her down a peg, show that she can still fall into the same traps as the rest of the town? That's a good idea. We did see her take up an angry activist moment in "Lisa the Vegetarian", where, in pushing her beliefs via pig-napping, made her little better than Homer "You don't Win Friends With Salad" Simpson himself. However, to see this normally intellectual character enter a period of self doubt, thanks to family coincidence... that makes for an entertaining episode.

And, for the first two and a half acts, it is a very gripping episode. Having Lisa deal with the fact that she might be damned to the same amounts of insolence as the rest of the town of Springfield is surprisingly emotional. You see, she was slipped up by a mere brain teaser that the rest of the kids got in seconds. Is she overanalysing the brain teaser? Maybe. It's Lisa Simpson: in a town of the average joes, she's the one who looks too deep. That's a really creative way to show that a character that's normally an ace has her human flaws.

Led on by, well, Grandpa about Simpson history, and taking on more activities with Homer and Bart (i.e. watching When Buildings Collapse on FOX), Lisa enters a state of resignation, submitting her brain to "one last meal" at the Springsonian and the Jazz Club. It's actually pretty damn emotional to see her try and fight, even going as far as to make a futile attempt to plea to the town of Springfield to increase their horizons. She knows it's futile. She just needs to be heard.

Of course, there was the ending, where Homer brought in several of his relatives. It rotates between hysterical and heartbreaking, depending on what mood you're in. The context of Lisa's worst fears being confirmed truly contrasts with Homer's relatives describing their careers as "I step in front of cars and sue the drivers" and "Jug Band Manager". It's truly fantastic.

Then the real ending happened, and I wanted to chuck my DVD out.

You see, Homer only brought in the Simpson men: the women are fantastic successes. Why? Well, apparently, it's genetic: the "Simpson Gene" is apparently only carried on the Y chromosome- thus, only men are affected.

Translated: Simpson men are damned to be idiots, while women? Raging successes.

Let's ignore that Herb Powell was a raving business success, who was only failed by the American buyer, who wanted everything in a car, yet wanted the design to take few risks (and to not have it cost $82,000). Let's ignore that Abe is a fantastic military strategist, who is held back by his senility and his desire for a more active life getting the better of him. Let's ignore that Homer has flashes of great intelligence, only held back by a weak upbringing and years of alcohol consumption. Let's even ignore that Bart could be fantastic at anything- he merely has a short attention span, and maybe some other learning disability. Nope, now all Simpson men are just idiots.

Yup, this is apparently a happy ending. Why? Lisa was validated.

Look, I'll get this off my chest right here and now: I am pretty pro-feminist (and yes, I am a male). I support equality of the sexes, I am in full support of the advancement of women's rights, the objectification of women or the reduction of them into mere tools drives me up the wall, I feel that America (and to only a slightly lesser extent, the rest of the world) has quite a way to go when it comes to neutralising sexism and objectification of women, and I feel that there is a dearth of well-written characters who are also female.

That being said, in my opinion, this ending is less a testament to feminism and more outright misandristic. Basically, Homer and Bart are openly told that, because they are male, they are basically damned to failure. Yet, this is a happy ending. Why? Well, Lisa can solve the damn puzzle.

I'm just hoping that the scientist that told Lisa about the truth about the gene was just lying to save Lisa's sanity. Even then, the fact that the men are presented as idiots yet the women are presented as successes still comes off as a bit sexist, eh?

It's a sign of things to come: later seasons of The Simpsons have had troubling gender-related politics, trying to present itself as a feminist, progressive show, when in reality, creating female characters that were little more than props or satellites for other characters.

I don't really know what to think about the main plot. As good as most of it was, the ending just threw me. Even the very last two lines in the episode can't really save the ending for me. It's a major dent in the quality of the episode.

Oh, and Jasper gets trapped in a Kwik-E-Mart freezer, and Apu and Sanjay turn the mart into a tourist trap. It's a pretty good subplot.

Tidbits:

• This is the last episode not produced by either Mike Scully or Al Jean in some form (until Season 22-ish), and the second to last one for four years to not have Scully at the helm. Eh, can't always end on a high note.
• This episode was also written by Ned Goldreyer. He did some work on the UPN's adaptation of Dilbert, one of the most underrated animated sitcoms of all time.
• Give Dan Castellaneta credit: the fact that he can do all of the voices of the male Simpsons? No wonder why he's getting about $300,000 a year as of late!
• Oh, and I apologise for the long hiatus/vacation. For some reason, I just couldn't motivate myself to put something down on paper... that, and there was that Simpsons marathon on FXX.
• Also, Gravity Falls will be back in September. I might be able to put down a few more Scullyfied Simpsons episodes... or, I might return to Red Dwarf. Maybe.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 1

Zaniness Factor 1.5. Having an old guy survive a freezer? Eh, not stupid.

Favourite Scene: Lisa's plea to the town of Springfield really shows the power of the writing this show once possessed. It's gut-wrenching, funny, awesome... it's just sublime.

Least Favourite Scene: The ending, though, just left an awkward taste in my mouth.

Score: 7

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 16: "Dumbbell Indemnity"

Airdate: March 1st, 1998

Insert joke about remembering when The Simpsons used to be good here. (Image stolen from Wikipedia).

Synopsis: Moe has been entering into something of a depression: he has no companionship. While initial attempts at getting Moe a girlfriend at a local discotheque ultimately prove fruitless, he winds up meeting Renee (Helen Hunt), a local flower seller, and the two hit it off. When Moe wants more money to keep treating her to the finer things in life, he decides to commit insurance fraud... with Homer as his "guinea pig".

Review: The Mike Scully years of The Simpsons featured some awkward character development. As our primary characters were either phased into the background or turned into wacky, centre-of-the-universe type characters, the secondary characters were seemingly fleshed out to try and show more than just their identifiable features- Mr Burns and Ned Flanders, for one, were seemingly transformed into characters with hidden hearts of gold, or ones that had deep-seated "white-bread" lives. However, the scripts were haphazard, and the characters lost a lot of their humorous traits. In effect, the characters flattened as the show slowly transformed into one that wouldn't be out of place on a cheesy saturday morning cartoon. (I kid: at least some saturday morning cartoons around this time had well-written characters!)

It didn't hurt Moe Syzlak as bad (initially): it would be understandable to see his deep-seated loner tendancies, and try and show why he keeps failing to make friends or find romance. Again, this would degenerate as the scripts became more haphazard, but it's more tolerable here.

This episode's main hangup is that, for all it tries to paint Renee and Moe in love, this episode's heart is still connected to Homer. He starts the episode with the unnecessary water heater incident, and is the right-hand man for Moe, through the rest of the episode.

The problem with this is that it does not lead to a whole lot of development for the character that's supposed to be in love with Moe, Renee herself. What is her character, anyway?  Sure, she pity-dates Moe, then falls in love with him on a more genuine level. Apparently, it's his "insecure, sweaty charm". It's implied a few times that she's only in love with him because he spends money on her, yet also has standards on how said money is procured.

However, as an individual, we learn little, if anything, about her. Her character pretty much revolves around Moe. We don't learn anything about her as a character, what her background is, what her quirks are. She's just a prop- she's the raison d'etre for the insurance fraud scheme that Moe and Homer commit.

I think, to provide an accurate comparison, we have to take a look at another "love interest" for the show: Jessica Lovejoy, from "Bart's Girlfriend".

Ah, when one-shot characters had deep character development in the span of 22 minutes. (Image taken from Wikisimpsons).

In that episode, Jessica begins something of a relationship with Bart over their skirting of authority- in this case, the church. That episode gave us a look at some aspects of Jessica's past, her present standing, how she is able to manipulate anybody and everybody, and how she pushes Bart to her limit. Given that she's a one-off character, she's given as much depth as the time allows.

Here, Renee just exposits the relationship between the two. (This will be a problem in later seasons: exposition will trump actual storytelling). Again, she has no backstory, no flaws... she's just there.

Now, Homer and Moe's scheme, I can buy. While some would criticise a paring like this as just another example of "Homer buddies up with some character to get him into the centre of the plot", I can see why Homer became Moe's right-hand man. Homer always seemed just a little bit closer to Moe, compared to the rest of the patrons at the bar. In a more immediate sense, Moe's sense of self-doubt could explain why he felt he needed to throw money around to keep Renee happy.

Homer is, well, something of his jerkass self. He gets into the centre of the plot, winds up as part of a zany scheme, survives the impossible, and winds up in a violent rage (for a few seconds). It's a bit more tolerable here: he was pressured by Moe into the zany scheme, and Moe's betrayal would drive anybody a bit loony. Still, it was a bit over the top.

Humour is really a mixed bag. Most of the jokes that work are the quick comic gags, such as Snake trying to rob Homer's car, everybody's reaction to the bar tabs being called in, and of course, "Hail to the Chimp". The good character comedy is more sparse, although I think this is because one of the characters is practically a prop. Even then, Renee gets one or two decent lines. ("Yes, Moe. I'm going to find corpses.") There were also jokes that dragged on for just a bit too long, such as the "car drowning" scene. Once was fine. Twice, enough. Three times? A bit too much.

I don't know: it's not really a memorable episode. It's got the good, it's got the bad, it's got the Jerkass Homer, it's got some Moe character development, but it's really just... alright. Maybe it's just dragged down by Renee's bland character, but still.

Tidbits:

• It's worth noting that, around the time of this episode's production, Helen Hunt and Hank Azaria were dating. The two were even married for about a year.
• While the disco scene was alright, I was thrown off by Otto being there. What, was he reluctantly there on a date? Did he get roped in some other way? 
• This episode was written by Ron Hauge, who wrote "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace" (which was also not memorable) and would later write "Mayored to the Mob". My expectations aren't exactly high.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 2, but only for his getting into the centre of Moe's plot and surviving seemingly impossible injuries. He's actually relatively mild: it's the more outlandish tendencies that got to me. Who knows: maybe I'm preparing for the worst.

Zaniness Factor: 1.5. The only thing remotely zany in this episode was the car's plummet in the ocean.

Favourite Scene: A great bit of physical comedy occurs when Homer has to bail out of Moe's car. He rolls out, and thanks to a rock, winds up back in for....

Least Favourite Scene: ...the plummet into the ocean. Went on way too long. Second place is the infamous boiler incident. Cut both of these down, and the writers could've put in some good Renee character development.

Score: 7, mainly because of the quick comedy. I'm feeling generous.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 15: "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Airdate: February 22, 1998

"I just read the Season 15 DVD Review! THEY WERE RIGHT!"

Synopsis: At a comedy festival organised by Jay Leno, Bart convinces Krusty the Clown to do some of his standup. However, in contrast to the rest of the material, Krusty's material is, well, outdated at best. Embarassed, he goes into an emotional spiral, culminating in him passing out on Flanders's lawn. While announcing his retirement from comedy, his rant on modern life manages to make the press laugh, and Krusty is back in business.

Review: There's a nagging feeling I have about the episode... no matter how much I want to like it, it still seems... off.

I've taken Krusty to be a deconstruction of the typical kids show presenter: he was washed up, his material is trapped in the 50s, he's callous off the stage, and only in the business for the paycheque. (Insert Zombie Simpsons joke here.) So why are we explicitly taking an episode out to deconstruct Krusty? It seems a bit expository, like "Hey, this is Krusty's character!" Besides, as some pointed out, "Krusty Gets Kancelled" already deconstructed Krusty's character, by having new, more organised competition blow Krusty out of the water. That episode, though, was one of the best in the history of the show. This episode... isn't terrible, but it doesn't live up to the heights of "Kancelled". After all, stand-up comedians doing their schlock may provide the chuckles, but gags like Worker and Parasite and "Old Grey Mare" are timeless.

The art of selling out as mocked here is also pretty ironic. The Simpsons used to relentlessly mock the celebrities that guest stared, or at best, portrayed them as suffering from human flaws. This episode gives Jay Leno a relatively light treatment, one that would be repeated for almost every other guest star since. Oh, and he goes into the house of Our Favourite Family, and helps Krusty. No questions. Remember when it was a town-wide event to see Michael Jackson come to town?

Now, some may be thinking: didn't the Simpson kids talk with celebrities in "Kancelled" to try and salvage Krusty's career? However, not only did every one of those celebrities had some form of development, or at least some awesome lines, but they actually tracked every celebrity down, interacted with them like most unfamiliar with celebrities would, and still made the episode a biting satire on it's target (TV competition and comebacks). Here, Leno comes to the house just because Bart called in a favour, despite barely knowing him.

This episode is the second one to feature Gil Gunderson, a character whose main joke is that he is a complete and utter failure at life. Outside of the "sock" joke, I really didn't find the scene with him funny... and it was at the beginning of the episode. Kinda drags the first act down a bit. Of course, it got better by the second half, with Krusty getting wasted and on Flanders's front lawn and his failed comeback with his same old shtick. The third act was pretty decent, but still, there's a nagging feeling that they were a bit soft on the modern stand-up circuit, that they were almost embracing them. Sure, "out there" stand up might be alright, but why not try and take them out on the negatives rather than the positives? Krusty quickly sells back out, however, thus cementing a theme that, no matter what, some people are just in it for the cheque. Hey, status quo is god!

I did like this episode taking a bit out of the utter devotion that some fans have: they'll buy anything with a face on it, even if it doesn't work. However, it sort of backfires when you realise that the rampant sale of merchandise keeps the show on the air, even when it's well past it's prime. (Ad revenues are down, though. There is a shot!) Hypocrisy, much? Eh, I don't think even Scully had any idea that the show would be alive enough to see the 2010s.

There were some decent gags that buoy the episode... strangely, few of them are in the stand-up routine:

• Kent Brockman filling in for Krusty. Boy, what a cheap station KBBL is.
• Marge watching Spanish telenovelas, and Lisa translating them.
• Krusty using one of his licensed swabs... which burns on contact.
• "IMPEACH CHURCHILL!"
• "Don't you hate pants?"
• "Here's $42. It's everything I have. Run home and bury it in the yard!"
• Ah, the Canyonero ending. All of it. I would've put the last part at the beginning of the episode, in lieu of the Gil scene, though.

Sadly, this episode, outside of those gags, largely felt like it needed something else. It just didn't feel full, or memorable.

Tidbits:

• The network censors actually had a problem with Krursty's act. The writers had to put it in context to get it through. 
• There was actually a scene planned that had Bart try and meet up Leno. That actually would've made some lick of sense. No, they just go to Leno just being at the Simpson house.
• Strangely enough, there was a later episode (as in, Season 23) that actually had a decent idea reminiscent of this episode. In "The Ten-Per-Cent Solution", Krusty, with his agent/lover Annie Dubinsky (Joan Rivers) decide to relaunch his show on cable to target an audience that wants to love things they enjoyed as children. Again, I liked the idea: Krusty deciding to relaunch his show to target a new audience, and mocking the "flashback" cycle that 30-somethings tend to have nowadays. Again, though, they wasted the potential, and made it more about Krusty and his relationship with his agent. End result? This is a better episode.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 2

Jerkass Homer Moment: He burns all of his money. How? He throws matches on the table. Nice one, idiot.

Zaniness Factor: 2

Zaniest Moment: Leno showing up to 742 Evergreen Terrace after barely meeting Bart is certainly a bit... off. 

Favourite Scene: CANYONERO!!!!! Canyonero!

Least Favourite Scene: I just couldn't really laugh at the shoe shop scene. Utter canyon of joke-ness. (And I don't care if I'm making up words at this point.)

Score: 6.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 14: "Das Bus"

Airdate: February 15, 1998

Synopsis: While on the way to a trip to the Model UN conference in Capital City, the kids from Springfield Elementary wind up in a jam after a grapefruit-related brake failure drives the bus off of a bridge. With Otto floating away ("ZEPPELIN RULES!"), the kids wind up trapped on a deserted island. A combination of the island's lack of resources and their lack of survival skills scuttles their attempts at civilisation, and the kids have to live off of the snacks from the bus. All the while, the kids become suspicious of one another.

Meanwhile, Homer, inspired by Flanders's internet enterprise, decides to start his own internet business... despite knowing nothing about the internet. Thus, we take a look at the rise and fall of Compu-Global-Hyper-Mega-Net.

Review: I had to read Lord of the Flies during High School. (Thank you, New York State.) For those that haven't read the book in a long time, the book focused on a bunch of British students getting trapped on an island after their plane goes down. Their connections to civilisation falter, and the kids become more and more savage.

I have to say, watching this episode after thinking about the book, I was a tad bit underwhelmed.

"Das Bus" seems like it was trying to be more of a send-up to Flies, which is alright, except, as others have pointed out, it tends to play to the beats of the novel a bit too closely. The Simpsons is best when it adds twists to the source material. Outside of the ending (which I'll discuss below), the episode tended to match word-for-word the novel. Kids try and form own civilisation after getting trapped on island, yet wind up becoming more and more savage and brutal.

This episode does take quite the stab at the United Nations, as, at the meeting, we see the kids bicker over the relationship between each other, setting the tone for what they would do without supervision from adults. Once they get stranded on the island, they begin looking at their self interests. Fighting Milhouse for the "food" is a collaborative effort, but in the end, the kids want their own instant gratification. Meanwhile, Millhouse, one of the remaining "civilised" students, winds up acting like a jerkass to Lisa and Bart, asking them to carry him to safety, and repaying them by abandoning the two after crossing the cliff. Is it symbolic of international relations within the UN, and providing a message about the flaws of the organisation? Or am I looking too much into this episode? Given Scully's legacy amongst the general public, I lean somewhat to the latter.

Either way, I think if the episode focused more on UN satire and less on ripping off Lord of the Flies, this might have been more enjoyable... a little bit.

The ending of the plot is actually pretty decent. While the reveal of "the monster" is a bit too in step, it actually does lead to a very interesting twist- one that plays off of the kid's instant gratification and one that is a direct stab at Lisa's vegetarianism. I also think the ending ending was a bit of a stab at the ending of Lord of the Flies. Normally, I hold Simpsons episodes that have haphazard-esque endings in a low light. Yet, here, I kind of liked it, given the source material.

Character in the A-plot seemed a bit uneven, yet I can somewhat pass it off, given the stressful situation they're in. Some of Lisa's dialogue might seem off given her normally intelligent nature, but it also helps reinforce that she's still a second grader. Bart's dialogue also seemed to show that there are flashes of brilliance in him, yet it is also balanced by his naiveté.

Plot "B" mocks the dot-com bubble just around the time it was, well, bubbling. Homer sets up a business with no knowledge of the industry, acts like an idiot, is somehow able to buy advertising (albeit on, apparently, Voyager fansites), and, when it comes time to sell, he gets trashed... rather literally, in fact. ("I didn't get rich by writing a lot of cheques!"). Sure, it's a prototype of the "Homer gets a new job and acts like a jackass" plot that would become the centre of season 10. However, I must admit, it was pretty damn funny. By far my favourite piece of dialogue would have to be between Comic Book Guy and Homer, as CBG wants faster internet.

Comic Book Guy: "I'm interested in upgrading my 28.8 kilobaud internet connection to a 1.5 megabit fibre optic T1 line. Will you be able to provide an IP router that's compatable with my Token Ring Ethernet LAN connection?"

Homer: [Stares for a few seconds] "Can I have some money now?"

Overall, while a bit of a disappointment compared to what I was expecting, it was still a pretty decent episode. Maybe my expectations were too high. I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Tidbits:

• Some fans on the internet have complained that Bill Gates, who briefly appeared at Homer's business, voiced himself, claiming that celebrity guest voices helped kill the show. Hank Azaria actually voiced Gates.
• This episode was written by David S Cohen. It would be his third-to-last script under the title: after the Writers Guild unionised, he was forced to drop the S from his title, and instead put an X for his future scripts, including the pilot to Futurama, which I think is surprisingly underrated in the science-fiction world.
• The resolution to Otto's C-plot is pretty damn funny... it involves Chinese fishermen and slave labour. "I think I'm gonna like it on this boat!"
• Worth noting that the Model UN was also given a brief shoutout in "Lisa the Drama Queen", where the meeting goes awry due to the lack of certain representatives... in that case, Lisa. Strangely enough, that episode was also a parody of another piece of media- there, it was the 1994 film Heavenly Creatures. Much like this episode, it's less of a parody and more of a beat-by-beat retelling. It was a pretty weak episode, especially by the standards of the classics.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 2

Jerkass Homer Moment: Homer came off as quite a bit of a jerk to Marge, between stealing her ideas without giving her credit, ignoring her, and telling her to get out when Gates arrives to make himself look good. It's a bit annoying.

Zaniness Factor: 2.5. An episode of this calibre was always going to be "out there". It does pull back on the slapstick, however.

Favourite Scene: LOVED CBG's attempts to boost his internet speed... via Homer. Pretty much sums up Telecom companies.

Least Favourite Scene: Milhouse abandoning Bart and Lisa after swinging over the ditch rubbed me the wrong way. Milhouse is many things, but a jerkass he is not.

Score: 7.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 13: "The Joy of Sect"

Airdate: February 8th, 1998

"Special effects by Industrial Lights and Morons" - Mike Nelson, Mystery Science Theater 3000 ("Space Mutiny")

Synopsis: Whilst wasting time at the Airport, Homer and Bart meet two members of the "movementarians", Glen and Jane. They convince Homer, amongst others, to visit a film, where they promise to use praise to "the Leader" to get "access to a starship to 'Blisstonia'". Despite initial difficulties (Homer being too thick, for one), their message manages to get into Homer, and he, alongside most of the rest of Springfield, are sucked into the cult. Said cult forces it's members to move to a farm to harvest Lima Beans. The Leader is said to be living in a forbidden barn, building his ship, making brief appearances to wave to the cult members. The cult's popularity manages to take over Springfield, right down to it's media. Only Marge is able to resist the cult, and has to flee the compound to find a way to deprogram the family.

Review: FINALLY! After, what, three weak episodes, we finally get an episode that's... good.

Overhyped, though? Maybe a little.

This episode's main strength is in it's scathing critique of religious cults.  Oh, boy, is it scathing. Take your typical cult tropes and exaggerate them to the nth degree. That's the Movementarians. Let's see, all they do is guilt trip people into being brainwashed, take over entire media outlets, poison those into submission, take their member's money and property, and force them into hard labour... and it's all just empty. They spend lavishly on themselves, descend the followers into petty fights, enjoy the tax-exempt status of the government to partake in the aforementioned self-serving spending, and pander to the follower's weaknesses/battle against their strengths.

This episode was also very topical, somewhat rare for a post-classic Simpsons episode. You see, this episode has it's basis in the Heaven's Gate cult, which, a year earlier, committed suicide in an attempt to ride Comet Hale-Bopp. Also gaining media attention around this time (I suppose: I don't have many memories of the 90s) was Scientology (which even had one of it's founders write a book that was adapted into a hysterically awful movie), as well as the Unification Church.

Of course, it wouldn't be a Simpsons episode without it's characters. For the most part, this episode does well in this regard. In all honesty, this episode shows Marge at one of her highpoints. It's not really as high as, say, "Marge on the Lam", but it's pretty awesome. Through her, we see her have to take "deprograming" manoeuvres similar to those of brainwashing. It's a tough call, but sometimes, you have to stoop low to achieve a goal that you know will be heroic in the end. Lovejoy and Flanders are perfect in their role as the Christian holdouts. That, and Ned actually has beer. Maybe I just have traces of ZS on the mind, but that's a deep, more "average" side to Ned. Willie's role as the "Id" of the deprogramming operation is perfect. I'll go as far as to say that, as much as Homer did have some jerkass scenes in the beginning, most of it is excused, as his character is made more realistic by the end of the episode. The twist to deprogram him is awesome, and totally fits in with his character.

Complaints? Pacing was a bit off: the airport scene seemed to just be there for a bunch of sitcom jokes, yet the placement of the third act seemed to make it so that said third act dragged a bit. However, it's an otherwise fantastically funny episode, with wicked satire and good characterisation.

Enjoy it. These types of episodes will be rarer as the years go on.

Tidbits:

• This episode was technically produced by David Mirkin, the showrunner for Seasons 5 and 6. Much like Scully, Dave Mirkin's twist on the show (especially in Season 5) took it into more outlandish and cartoony territory ("Deep Space Homer", "Homer and Apu"). Mirkin also took on some social commentary. ("Sideshow Bob Roberts", "Homer Badman"). However, Mirkin also used more character based plots, rather than plots that caused the characters to conform to the plot. This episode feels like a Mirkin-era episode... except for art, which is somewhat more rigid.
• I personally like the twist with the loaner bikes. Goes to remind us that not only are there still holdouts for the cult, but that Our Favourite Family isn't exactly doing so well. Hear me, Zombie Simpsons? Characters living the high life is not really funny!
• LOVE the scenes with the "Lawyer Department", especially when they barge into KBBL-TV to look for Homer. "Idiots? That's slander, sir, and we have it on tape." "Alright; I'll get out my chequebook!"
• "We are watching FOX!" I love the "take-that's" at FOX.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 2

Jerkass Homer Moment: Most of Homer's jerkassery is a little justified, but almost mowing down the Movementarians certainly crossed the line. This is also a literal Jerkass Homer Moment: while driving to the Movementarian Centre, Homer screams "Outta my way, jerkass!" And thus, a name for the post-classic era Homer was born.

Zaniness Meter: 2

Zaniest Moment: Rover from The Prisoner appears in the barrier between the Movementarian Campground and the town... capturing Moleman. Mmm... I swear I remember that a later episode had a more direct parody on The Prisoner.

Favourite Scene: Everything (except the road rage) at the Movementarian Centre.

Least Favourite Scene: At the airport, Homer is an idiot as to the "free film this weekend" presented by the Movementarians. This joke was done better in "Mr Lisa Goes to Washington", with the VIP gag.

Score: 8

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 12: "Bart Carny"

Airdate: January 11, 1998

Synopsis: While at the carnival, Bart trashes Adolf Hitler's limo. ("What did he do to you?") Homer and Bart become carnies to pay off the debt, and befriend father-and-son carnies Cooder (Jim Varney) and Spud. After their booth gets shut down (thanks to, surprise surprise, Homer), the two begin living at Evergreen Terrace... ultimately pulling a trick (i.e: a faux act of kindness) that puts Our Favourite Family out on the street.

Review: This review is going to be very short. This is another episode that's too dry on laughs, and with too weak a plot. I mean it. This plot is stretched out way too far, and there are too many dry spots in between.

Character was not as much of a mess as much as it was forgotten. None of the characters here were very enteratining. Why is Bart the straight man? Why is Homer an idiot? Why is he a pyromaniac? Why are the two partners in crime? Their characterisation is confusing and simplistic. Lisa also gets hit in the first act, although it's not really bad: it's there to remind us that as intelligent as she is, she's still just a kid.

The plot was also dull as dishwater. Why is Homer working the carnival booth? Because, under the command of Grand Leader Scully, Homer must get into moronic antics that "move the plot" for an episode to pass inspection! Whatever.

The humour was a mixed bag. The gags at the fair during the sunrise were actually a little funny, although the gags at the fair itself, not so much. Homer explaining that the water in the dunk tank was dangerously low was just there to explain what would happen next: he gets dunked, and it's cringeworthy.The glass boat scene was funny... then Homer and Bart did some slapstick, acting like partners in crime.

I do see where the plot was going... and I wasn't a fan. The exposure of the carnies as just a bunch of failures and conmen seemed predictable. There's little complexity to the two. They're just there to prove the stereotype of them being backstabbers and conmen 100% true. Previous episodes, when they had one-shot characters, gave them complexities, and helped develop our main characters. For example, I refer to Mr Bergstrom, the substitute from "Lisa's Substitute", one of my favourite episodes of the show. There, not only is Mr Bergstrom a quirky and fantastic teacher that turns out to be tragically underrated and underused due to the complexities of the American school system, but he manages to make Lisa realise the benchmark of a good education, while at the same time, truly question her faith in Homer. Cooder and Spud don't do anything: they just act like conmen. It's simple and predictable characterisation.

That's the problem with this episode; it's simplistic. Simple can be good, but the greatest seasons of The Simpsons were complex, deep... and thus, fantastic. This episode? Not so much....

OK, I'll admit that the ending was fantastic.

Tidbits

• This episode was written by veteran writer and notable recluse John Swartzwelder. He managed to write both the best episodes of the show ("Rosebud", "You Only Move Twice") and the worst  ("Kill the Alligator and Run" and the slop we have here).
• This episode was also co-produced by Brian Scully and Julie Thacker. Gee, wonder how they got the job.
• Marge shuddering is actually my second favourite joke in the entire episode.
• Cool to see Krusty explain the joke of the "squirt gun" joke. And by cool, I mean stupid.
• ...and that's it. This episode was uninteresting.

Jerkass Homer Meter 2.5

Jerkass Homer Moment: Not really jerkass, but Homer is such an idiot during the "bribe" scene with Chief Wiggum.

Zaniness Factor: 1

Zaniest Moment: I think they went too far with the "Dunk Tank" scene.

Favourite Scene: The resolution to the plot. For a poor episode, it's actually pretty funny. Take that, ring toss!

Least Favourite Scene: Did we really need the gardening scene? Pointless openings would become the norm in later seasons.

Score: 4.

Scullyfied Simpsons: Season 9, Episode 11: "All Singing, All Dancing"

Airdate: 4 January, 1998

Synopsis: Homer claims to hate musicals, revealing his disdain after renting a musical that Homer thought was a Clint Eastwood western. The rest of the Simpsons note the irony of this, stating the mere fact that the family (and the entire town) tend to break into song on a semi-regular basis. Meanwhile, Snake tries his hand at robbery... and reveals his distaste for musicals.

Review: This will be a short one; it's meh. It's a clip show; what more do you expect? I'm not really going to go into depth here, though.

First, let's get this out of the way; the clips themselves are sublime. The first eight seasons of the show featured some damn good music. My favourite would have to be a tie between "In the Garden of Eden" from "Bart Sells His Soul" and "We Do" from "Homer the Great".

Now the original material. It starts out great: "Paint Your Wagon" was pretty damn funny. However, by the start of the second act, it runs low on gas. While most of the characters are, well, in character, for some reason, I just can't see Snake backing off as easily as he does. Maybe it was an attempt at character development. Maybe they just realised they needed something to keep the plot moving. Who knows?

It's also worth noting that not even the writers wanted to do this episode; the ending makes this pretty clear. Worth noting that this episode came out shortly after the release of the CD Songs in the Key of Springfield. Thus, I blame FOX executives for the dryness of this episode.

That's really how to sum it up: it's just a largely forgettable episode. I'll give it a pass, but only because it wasn't as nonsensical as "Miracle on Evergreen Terrace", and it reminded me of more entertaining episodes. If you want to watch a good clip show, watch "So It's Come To This: A Simpsons Clip Show", "Another Simpsons Clip Show", and "The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular".

Tidbits: Just two.

• At the end, a shotgun is fired during the credits. Two blasts are heard on one occasion. Said occasion is when Phil Hartman's name comes up. Five months and change after this episode aired, Hartman's wife shot him dead before turning the gun on himself.
• David Mirkin was credited as the executive producer. For once, Mike Scully is absolved of blame.

Favourite Moment: "Gonna paint your wagon, gonna paint it good..." SING ALONG!

Least Favourite Moment: Snake leaves because he figures that the family would not make good hostages... because they sing. Just seems a bit off for him.

Zaniness Factor: 1.5, mainly for the singing.

Jerkass Homer Meter: 1. (That's a first, I think).

Score: 5.5.